Operation Brutus Briefing

Yesterday was a mission day. I went to Becky’s, and yes, it was as glamorous as it sounds. The sun was perfect, the grass smelled exquisite, and Brutus—tough little Chihuahua that he is—was waiting. He tried his usual tough-guy routine: chest puffed, tail flicking, ears back like he’s the baddest dog in the backyard. Cute. I let him think that. Let him feel important. But we both know who really runs this operation.

First order of business: strategic planning. Brutus and I surveyed the backyard. I briefed him on the squirrels’ increased boldness. They’re testing boundaries, getting cockier. Acorns, twigs, small sticks—they’ve been escalating. Emma, blissfully unaware that she’s in the crossfire, is an amateur. I reminded Brutus that we are the ones who keep yards safe. Every corner, every tree branch, every bird feeder is a checkpoint. He barked in agreement, which I took as a solid yes.

Later, we headed to the park. Naturally, I took reconnaissance seriously. I met a hyper poodle who spun in circles like he had three espressos in him. Not useful for war strategy, but entertaining. A Rottweiler? Excellent. Polite, disciplined, and could follow orders if properly motivated. A few other dogs wandered by—one tried to sniff at Brutus like he was competition. Amateur mistake. I sniffed, evaluated, and dismissed them as “not war material.”

While we patrolled the perimeter, I started mapping defensive positions. The squirrel army has been watching me, testing me, but they haven’t learned patience yet. I noted every tree they might use as a launch point, every branch they could drop weapons from, and every shadow that could hide a flying acorn. Brutus took notes too, though mostly he was impressed by my flawless posture and radiant coat. I allowed it. Leadership requires projecting confidence.

Meanwhile, Emma fussed about human errands and groceries. Classic distraction tactics. I stayed focused. I reminded Brutus that this war is ongoing; we can’t underestimate the squirrels. They are clever, persistent, and slightly smug. But they are no match for me.

Today? I’ll stay home. Watch the yard. Monitor squirrels. Keep Emma blissfully unaware that a covert war rages around her. Brutus will report in for further briefings. I’ll consider recruiting the black Lab I met if things escalate. The hyper Australian Shepherd may serve as a decoy, spinning wildly to confuse the enemy.

Make no mistake: the Squirrel War continues. I am the commander. Brutus is my apprentice. The squirrels? They will learn respect—or they will learn defeat.

Victory is inevitable.

(Bannertail; the story of a gray squirrel (1922) (14753436014) - PICRYL - Public Domain)